a very jumbled recap.

so this post is REALLY REALLY unorganized and not very well thought out due to lack of preparation time.. but i still wanted to post it just to let my 3? readers have a chance to sneak a peek into what all God took me through this year. SO.. though it is poorly written, please bear with me and take what i wrote as happy things :) that sentence made absolutely no sense i'm sorry. it's almost 8 in the morning and i haven't sleep since 1pm yesterday. WHOOOOOOOOO!

--

Things I've learned/re-learned in 2009:

1. Don’t ever compare yourself to anyone else. – this is something I’m still trying to remember. It’s so easy for me to compare myself to other people… she’s so much prettier.. she has better clothes.. her smile is brighter.. her eyelashes are so long while mine are straight and boring and NEVER CURL... people like her more because of this, because of that…. MAN! In the words of Sebastian, the wise crab from ‘The Little Mermaid’ : you’ve got to be you, I’ve got to me, so simple but true who else could you be!.... God created only one you. You are the only person that could ever possibly be you. You are your own unique, awesome person created in God’s image. Why would you WANT to be ANYBODY else?? It’s tough but I have to constantly remind myself that I am created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27) and I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). God doesn’t create trash! So maybe I’m not what the world would consider pretty.. but I am beautiful in my own way and God has blessed me with certain qualities that bring glory to Him.
2. God won’t always give you the people you want. Instead, He’ll give you the people you need in your life to grow and learn from. – friendships have definitely changed for me this year. Some have moved into different seasons.. others have fallen apart. I’ve forged new friendships and rekindled old ones. The Lord has been good to me. I’d like to say I can walk away from this year knowing more about what it means to be a friend and what a friend is to me. I learned that it’s more important to focus on the quality than the quantity. I’ve been called out and humbled. Truly, truly humbled. Sitting in my bathtub at 2am crying my eyes out… the Lord is good to me. He took me in His arms and showed me I am made new. I’ve been encouraged.. a lot of times I feel SPOILED for the amount of encouragement God blesses me with. Encouragement came from people I would have never expected… such a blessing. My closest, oldest friend moved 4 hours away from me this year. I expected loneliness to overshadow my life.. but God wouldn’t allow it. Different seasons. Amen. I was blessed enough to meet a girl in one of my classes whose love for the Lord was an inspiration and a breath of fresh air. She was truly genuine about her faith. She reminded me of something I had forgotten. She reminded me of how important it is to share the Good News with everyone. It was so awesome seeing her fearlessly talk to random strangers about the love of Christ. Praise the Lord :) A friendship from someone 4 hours away grew out of nowhere… and his faithfulness to the Lord has been an encouragement for me in more ways than one. But mostly what I learned this year about friendships is that I have Someone who will never leave me (Hebrews 13:5b). SERIOUSLY. It sounds SO CHEESY… but this year, I really saw that Jesus is ALWAAAAAAAYS with me. In those moments when I’m sitting on my bathroom floor crying.. to the moments where my heart feels like it’s about to burst with joy.. He is there. What a friend we have in Jesus, amen? :)
3. I learned who really cares about me. I’ve realized that the people that truly love you… the people you can call friends… they are the ones that will call you back when they see they have a missed call from you. No excuses. They’re the people that call YOU up when they notice you haven’t been calling them. They’re the ones that randomly IM you to see how you’re doing, how they can pray for you. They’re the ones that send emails to update you about little everyday things in their life. They’ll call you out on your crap when you need it and they’ll lift you up when you need some repair. Thank you. You guys know who you are.
4. There is power in prayer. For the longest time, I’d been praying for something very personal. It affected my life a whole lot… and it hurt a whole lot. I thought God would never send the healing needed for my family… after all, I’d been praying for years and years for relief. But this year… God answered my prayer. For the first time in a long time, I saw us laugh together and enjoy each other’s company. It was such a blessing and I will always keep those memories in my mind. Don’t get me wrong… we are nowhere near perfect… but knowing the Lord has picked out these three people to take me through life is so humbling… can you believe He sits there and hand picks each person and already knows where we’ll butt heads and where we’ll complement each other?? Such a mind-boggling thought. Anyway, my point in all this is that the Lord provides. Maybe not when we want and how we want – but He provides. All He asks is that we remain faithful to Him.
5. God’s got His own game plan. I’m just here for the ride.



OTHER things I’ve learned/re-learned/observed from myself and others?

1. Most people don’t really care to keep in touch with you. If you come across a person that actually goes through with their attempts to keep in touch with you… they’re keepers.
2. I don’t really care for dai hoi anymore. It’s lost its excitement.
3. God has a wacky sense of humor.
4. I wear my hair up when I haven’t showered in a few days.
5. A lot of people out there are FAKE!
6. I can’t stand certain people.
7. Girls are petty. And catty. Meow.
8. Miranda Kerr is adorable.
9. Mirror pictures never get old.
10. Filipino people are really cool. And almost all of them can sing and/or dance very well.
11. Playing guitar is kinda painful.
12. TCH is a rare, true-blue friend. I can always count on him to listen when I need someone to just listen.
13. I am pretty much destined to look the same for the rest of my life.
14. Promises are not forever.
15. But people can still pick themselves up and keep walking.
16. All because of God’s strength.
17. Time capsules allow a group of people to be together always.
18. Even if in real life, they go in a million different directions.
19. We’ll always have that one year where everything was together.
20. You can’t be afraid to move on to new things.
21. God paints the prettiest sunrises and even beautiful-er sunsets.
22. Frozen yogurt is insanely overrated.
23. I don’t like Lady Gaga.
24. Saranya is a great friend and I’m thankful she’s my friend.
25. I love my cousins.
26. Wood + chocolate = coffee.
27. Always call your friends back.
28. Writing is good for the soul.
29. Taylor Swift is fuh reakin awesome.
30. So are wooden playgrounds.
31. I can bake a cake!
32. If you break one phone and lose another, you can get a new one!
33. But that still doesn’t mean you can get texting.
34. I’m not too shabby at rollerblading.
35. Creamed corn is muy delicioso.
36. Enjoy time with little kids now because before you know it, they’ll be teenagers.
37. Tacky sweaters are kinda cute.
38. Sometimes, a conversation can make all the difference.
39. Don’t be afraid to tell someone what you’re really thinking.
40. I have to clean my house at least twice a week.
41. My family is forever loud.
42. I like my hair short.
43. Beignets do exist in Dallas.
44. Jonathan Kang and I hang out randomly.
45. Crawfish is SOOOOOOO GOOOOOOD
46. Cambodian people are very nice.
47. You can never be too old for bounce houses.
48. Being there on someone’s graduation day is a big encouragement!
49. I like giraffes
50. I’ve lost countless hours of sleep because of Michelle calling me at late hours.
51. Zip-lining is kinda freaky
52. If you think he’s a player, he’s probably a player.
53. If you put in that LITTLE EXTRA PUSH… you can get that A.
54. Mud in the mouth is not fun.
55. Pong is a painful game.
56. Everyone’s growing up really fast.
57. My metabolism is starting to catch up with me.
58. Gossiping will catch up to you sooner or later.
59. I will never get tired of Golden Chick.
60. Eating lunch by yourself is not a bad thing.
61. 7-eleven gas SUCKS!
62. I look okay in skinny jeans.
63. My money is not my money. it’s God’s money.
64. Frank Zhou can live a million miles away and our friendship will still be okay.
65. Be true to yourself.

--





while there is sooooo much more i would like to add to both lists........... i haven't the time. but if you're interested in hearing more and i've carefully planned out more thoughts in my head, we should totally get together sometime for some food or ice cream or fruity smoothies but please no frozen yogurt.

i will try to take a nap now. we leave for camp in a few hours and i'm still not packed. and i have to shower. and i'm STARVING!! can't wait to see what God's got up His sleeve for this camp and 2010!!!!!!!!!!!




love love love love.

i've got peace like a river, i've got peace like a riverrr

A week ago, I was all down because I had spent some time reflecting on where I had failed as a friend. A few days ago, I was becoming overwhelmed with the Christmas rush and holiday stress. I was feeling hurt and misunderstood because of a lot of different things. It was so frustrating.. I just wanted to sit down and be alone and cry happy tears and truly give thanks to God for the gift He sent the world 2000 years ago. I felt like I would never get any down time to sit and spend true time with God.

So now it's a couple days later.. I haven't gotten the long, quiet silence I wanted to have just yet.. but I am definitely grateful the Christmas rush is slowing down. Of course, there's still much work to be done, but God'll see me through.

He's got a funny way of taking all my worries, the anxiety and stress, and my fears and failures and replacing them with peace and HOPE.


I'm so thankful I have hope :)


Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18



I feel like I'm right where I'm supposed to be.
Everything is in the mighty hands of my Lord :)

forks

I wish I had chosen a different road.


Instead of taking the road of judgement, I wish I had chosen to walk the road of love.
Instead of not speaking up the many times I should have, I wish I had chosen to be brave.
Instead of being quick to become angry, I wish I had held my breath and chosen to listen.


Why'd I let it get this far? Growing up doesn't necessarily mean we have to grow apart.

A sense of urgency

We are called out; we are ransomed
We are not of the world we're in
We are chosen; we are blessed
To bring light to the lives of men
So Father sow your seed
Give us life in community
Wake us from our sleep
This is Your time; this is Your place
And we are vessels for breaking

Under Your grace, we are led by Your Spirit
You have redeemed us by the blood of Your Son
Send down Your Word; we are eager to hear it
Ready our hearts to carry Your love

You are sunlight; You are morning
You're the hope of a brand new day
You are comfort; You are blessing
And You wipe all our tears away
So change us from within
Renedr miracles from our sin
Remind us once again
This is Your time; this is Your place
We are vessels for breaking

goooosfraba.

i just spent 40 minutes putting my newly washed bedsheets on my bed.



38 of the 40 minutes were spent trying to make my bed sheet even.
and it's STILL not even! FRUSTRATION!! ugh. i give up for now.


i'm going to try to study for my biology final now. it's tomorrow at 11am. please pray for me :( i'm kinda nervous. alsdkfjsadlfjksd three more days

"yet not my will, but yours be done."

Tonight's quiet time came from Luke 22:39-53. Jesus goes to pray on the Mount of Olives before being betrayed by Judas.

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."


It's comforting to know that even though Jesus knew what He was about to go through, He still brought glory to God. He still said "Your will be done" (emphasis mine).


Gotta keep checking and re-checking that my thoughts, actions, wants and desires are aligning with His. Humility and accountability. Sensitivity and obedience.


So much faith is needed for every hour of my life. Some things are happening that I cannot control but You, Lord, You are so good. I kneel and I praise You.

it ain't no coincidence

My heart says of you, "Seek his face!"
Your face, LORD, I will seek.

Wait for the Lord; be strong and
take heart and wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27:8, 14

when did we stop trying?

Lord, please take it from me because i can't handle it.




when the world has fallen out from under me
i'll be found in You, still standing
when the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
when time and space are through
i'll be found in You

forever You are faithful

forever You are strong
forever You are with us
forever


i really ought to be studying for my two tests tomorrow, but i just wanted to stop by and encourage whoever reads this to add matt chandler and his family to their prayer list. his surgery is at noon today. pray for a safe operation and a speedy recovery. pray for him and his family to continue trusting in the Lord, that they continue to remain faithful to God's plan and that they continue to bring glory to His name. God is in total control of our lives - something truly worth of praise.

you've got a friend in me! you've got a friend in me!

12.2.09
1:28am


been thinking a lot lately about a few things.. the first of these was recently brought up to me by a friend of mine. he said something very profound; he said "the length of a friendship slowly kills the will to understand each other."

this got me to thinkin. it seems to be pretty true in most cases. i felt as though i have been on both the giving and receiving end in this particular situation.

so profound.

i have so much to work on when it comes to being a friend and to be honest, there are times where i feel like my friendships with people have become complacent and we don't really try to understand each other and question and challenge and encourage each other. i don't want to have surface friendships.

sometimes i'm afraid to share how i'm doing and what i'm feeling or what i've been thinking about because i feel bothersome or i feel as though people aren't really listening. Lord knows i'm guilty of not giving people 100% of my attention when listening. that's kind of why i simply keep to myself or my blog. privacy is good but i need to remember i need to also share with others how i'm doing so they can know how to pray for me and keep me accountable. another thing to add to my list of improving myself :P



i never really paid attention to it before, but it's been there all along. it's so important for us to constantly take a step back, look at we have and PRAISE GOD for it. oftentimes i get so wrapped up in myself that i forget to treasure what i have and WHO i have. God's blessed me with so many different people in my life; some people i've know since i was born and others have come into my life just this semester. new friends are always exciting to me because it's something fresh and someone i've yet to understand and know about. but i need to remember to treasure those God has placed in my life all along.

i think we often forget that we're constantly changing, evolving, adapting to the people around us, the world we live in. we forget that people will change or grow up or be just a little bit different and that we need to move with them. i can't call myself a friend to so-and-so if all i think about is how much i miss how they used to be and how things used to be. because that's not really who they are anymore. what's done is done and i gotta remember that this is the here and now. every day given to us is a gift from God. people are meant to be in a constant state of growth and i gotta remember to treasure people for who they are today and who they can become in the future.

Lord Jesus, please continue to help me love others as You do.


another thing i've been thinking about is matt chandler and his family. it's been SO encouraging and inspiring to see thousands of people rally in prayer support for him and his family. we serve a beautiful God :)

but it got me to thinkin. i heard somewhere that every person is going to suffer a tragedy of some sort in their life at one point or another. a loved one dying or the loss of a job or a broken relationship. i wonder if this is true. the thought scares me. the thought of losing my dad or my mom or angela or my friends.... scares the crap out of me! i can't imagine life without them.. but again, this goes back to my other blog post about how i can't hold on to things too tightly because nothing is forever.. i know i shouldn't be afraid because God has a purpose for everything in my life, but i can't help but be a little scared. like this thing with matt chandler's family.. to be living a full and happy life one day then discover a mass on the frontal lobe of your brain the next.. it's absolutely frightening. the thought of it. man. i'm seriously amazed at how faithful they are to God's will and His plan. they are still praising God and that is a strong testament to other believers. amen!

this is something i have to keep working on. not being afraid of loss. Christ is within me; i have nothing to lose and everything to gain.


there's one more thing that's been on my mind but i don't wanna share publicly so i'll write about it in my secret blog :) hahaha. thank you for reading.. i think i have... five readers now? :) i should do a shout out... those are cool... i always feel cool when i get shout outs :) maybe next blog!! yessssss. sounds like a plan. i'll just list names so your heart can skip a little when you see YOUR name! :O



anyway, whoever yall are - thanks for taking the time out of your day to read about my ramblings :) i pray that you walk with Jesus today and grow in your love and knowledge for Him. talk to Him; dig into His word! i'm totally giving you a thumbs up to encourage you right now :)









i'm sitting in my bed and edwin says hi. he's lying down to the right of me, smiling as always ;) i can hear rain on the window and five times august - better with you is playing on angela's iLuv. i'm wearing purple sweats and my gray cougar athletic training long sleeve shirt. my hair's in a messy ponytail and my toes are cold :)

CAN YOU PICTURE ME?!?!?! :D :D :D i hope you can picture me. i hope that was a descriptive enough description.

i am also hungry. MAN OH MAN am i hungry. i am currently craving wingstop and thin crust pizza. MAN! i don't wanna go to school tomorrow. or technically, today since it's 2am on the dot! i'm getting sleeeeeeeeepy............


this is gonna sound/look kinda weird because i'm posting this during the day but actually writing this at night. but yeah. okey dokey pokey, i need to stop blogging. it's 2 am; i'm getting sleepy and i still gotta have my Jesus time and i don't wanna be all sleepy while talking to Him! tonight is luke 20:20-26! waHoOoOOoooo!


yall have a blessed day :)

/2:01am

!!!!!

the making of my christmas wishlist will be the death of me.
i need to study!!!! but there are so many pretty things to look at!




slaskladfjsdlfkjsflskdjf LUCY TRAN!!!

BAH! just gotta conquer a practical (TOMORROW!!!!!! omg), some quizzes, a [fun!] paper, a few more tests, a couple of finals and i'm fuhreeeeeeee!


Lord Jesus, please help me. there is no way
i'll be able to do any of this without You backin' me up!


--
a few upcoming prayer requests (mostly school-oriented):

1. Please pray for me as I take my biology practical tomorrow!
2. I also have a paper due Thursday. I think I'll actually have some fun writing the paper because it doesn't require research or anything. Please pray I just find inspiration for it :)
3. I have a psychology test Friday! Ahh!
4. Also, please pray I continue to keep myself spiritually disciplined by memorizing Scripture. It's so important that I keep my mind filled with the Lord's word so that I do not become distracted by people and everything else in the world.
5. Please pray I keep humbling myself. James' game plan for pride!! :) -- Submit to God and resist the devil; draw near to God; humble yourself. James 4!! gotta keep remembering it :)
6. Please pray for me as I continue to learn what it means to love people as Christ loves them. Please pray for me to constantly lean on the Lord for strength to carry out His love as selflessly as possible.

O-KAY!! I think I'm feeling pretty un-distracted now :) Praise the Lord! Let's just hope I don't feel the need to go off on a cleaning binge. Good grief. If I feel one coming on, I gotta do my best to RESIST! Lord help me :)

I love you all! Hope you have a wonderful, magnificent, BLESSED, CHRIST-FILLED MONDAY! My golly I'm using a lot of exclamation points. Sorry!! :)

reminders

I've been reflecting back on the last two years of my life. It's amazing to see how God has woven Himself so intricately into everything.. I've been looking back at the roads I thought were worthy driving down, the roads I came to find were all dead-ends.


Thank You.

I would drive down these roads I paved for myself without bothering to ask for directions, a map, a GPS, something. Something or Someone to guide me. I thought I had it all figured out; everything was in my control.


Thank You.

For letting me hit dead-ends. I would hit a wall and cry out, not understanding why everything I worked so hard for kept falling apart. But You. You worked Your magic and every road I've taken has always led me back to You.


Thank You.

For always loving me through everything. For loving me and wanting me when I didn't want You, when I wanted someone else or something else I thought would fulfill me and make me happy.

How could I forget that when You give, You take away? And when You take away, You always give? I'm sorry I didn't trust You enough, trust that You would provide for me a thousand times better than I could possibly hope for. How could I be so forgetful? You know the deepest parts of my heart; of course You will provide. Thank You for reminding me I cannot hold on to things too tightly because You could take it away in an instant. You have shown me this rings true. And though painful it was, I was reminded of such a great truth:

Nothing is forever except You.

Thank You for taking my life and everything I surrender to You and making it into something that brings You glory.

Thank You for taking control of the roads in my life.
I cannot wait to see what road You have planned out for me next :)

feelin good, feelin great :)

this morning i woke up feeling extremely thankful.
i've been blessed with another day of being alive,
another day filled with opportunities to be salt and light of the earth,
another day to live out God's love and just revel in it, but most of all,
i've been blessed with another day of praising God and experiencing His gloriousness.

WHOO! that's a lot of things to be thankful for :)



anyway, i heard this song a few months ago, and this morning felt like a great morning to play it repeatedly. embedding was disabled so i'll give you the link. hope you enjoy it :)


BE BLESSED!

Tobymac - City on Our Knees

complete :)

i can't explain this kind of love
i'm humbled and amazed
that You'd come down from heaven's heights
and greet me face to face

dang.

this hercules - go the distance song is gooooood.

shh.

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice

Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak



I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay

"There is no fear in love.

But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

1 John 4:18



Why am I so afraid?


God has already given me His perfect love by sending Jesus..


so why am i so afraid?




Father, please give me a heart that is courageous. I need to be strong and brave enough to stand up and fight for You and what You stand for.

taylor swift - jump then fall

to know that You love me enough
to plan my day down to every little detail
because You know exactly what i'd love?


it makes my heart sing :)

grace.

but the harder i try the more clearly can i feel
the depth of our fall and the weight of it all
and so this might could be the most impossible thing
Your grandness in me making me clean

wholly.

i am full of earth
You are heaven's worth
i am stained with dirt, prone to depravity
You are everything that is bright and clean
the antonym of me
You are divinity
but a certain sign of grace is this
from the broken earth flowers come up
pushing through the dirt

You are holy, holy, holy
all heaven cries "Holy, holy God"
You are holy, holy, holy
i want to be holy like You are

You are everything that is bright and clean
and You're covering me with Your majesty
and the truest sign of grace was this
from wounded hands redemption fell down
liberating man
but the harder i try the more clearly can i feel
the depth of our fall and the weight of it all
and so this might could be the most impossible thing
Your grandness in me making me clean

glory, hallelujah
glory, glory, hallelujah
so here i am, all of me
finally everything
wholly, wholly, wholly
i am wholly, wholly
i am wholly, wholly, wholly
Yours

i am full of earth and dirt and You

it's a learning process, yeah?

i think for a long time i've been running at a million miles per hour,
seeing blurs of faces, but not the people behind them.


and i thought that was okay.
but i see now that it was not.
is not.. okay.



please forgive me for where i have failed you.
and you. and you. and you. and you. and You.




so i need to slow down.
please excuse me for however long this will take.
i really do need to just fall off the face of the earth for awhile.
so i will do that as best as i can.

if you want to keep me updated on your life.. messages or emails are wonderful (uhoh_itslucy@yahoo.com). i would love to hear how everything is going with you.. and how i may pray for you.

i'm not being overdramatic. i promise.
this is just something i need to do.
i hope you guys will understand.



i just need to be as alone as possible so God's voice can be the only one i hear.
the one that rings clearest.

i feel like

i need to go away for a little while.
and spend a long, long time with You.

i got a bad haircut.

i'd been dying to get a haircut for awhile now, but i wanted to wait until my hair/bangs were long enough to be fixable. yesterday, i went to get my haircut at the place i usually go to. i showed her what i wanted: just the basic trim and short bangs like i usually do. she shampooed my hair and then the haircut was underway. after about 30 minutes into my haircut, i mentally gasped in horror. i had completely forgotten to incorporate God into this part of my day!!!!! this might sound silly to you to think such a small thing like getting a haircut could be of importance to God.. but God deserves to be a part of EVERY part of my day.. whether i'm running errands or spending time with Him.. He should be in it, 100%.

so, i got a bad haircut. my bangs make me look super fobby and really asian.. but oh well. just a reminder to me to constantly be conversing with God every hour of my day because i need Him always. and it's ALSO a reminder that beauty is only skin deep. you can cut your hair to where it looks perfect, wear the best makeup, have the best clothes, etc etc etc.. but if your heart for God isn't right, all of the above isn't worth anything.

i continue to praise You, even with my fobby bangs :)




Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.

I Peter 3:3-5

i miss this song

so give us clean hands
and give us pure hearts
let us not lift our souls to another

give us clean hands
and give us pure hearts
let us not lift our souls to another

oh God, let this be
a generation that seeks
that seeks Your face, Oh God of Jacob

i don't get it.

what happened to you?
what happened to all of us?

i can only see what's right in front of me and even then i don't see everything.. i'll just keep trusting You. You got something big up Your sleeve and i trust You.


thank You.


James 2:14-26

james. james, james, james, james, james.

i've read this book before. heard these chapters, these verses, spoken more times than i can remember.

but the beautiful thing about God's word is that it is living and breathing (2 Timothy 3:16-17). what does that mean? it means i can read a chapter in the bible.. get an interpretation out of it. return a year later, read that same chapter and get something completely different from it! God's word lives and breathes in that it roots itself in us and helps us grow and grow and grow :) it's pretty crazy how God's word NEVER changes, but it can still apply to anything and everything going on in our life somehow. God always knows exactly what we need when we need it and that just makes Him even more beautiful to me :)

BUT ANYWAY!

last night, i had finished hosea and i didn't know exactly what God wanted me to read next. so i prayed, and i sat in bed, and i waited.

James.

??!?!?!?!? james? i've already read that.. it's that book about trials temptations and holding your tongue or something like that.. james? meh.

James.

okay. james, it is.

James 1:2-5; 19-26

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.

i put that bible down and i said "wow." this chapter spoke volumes for me.

perseverance. pushing on. pushing on. following through and completing what i start. i've always had trouble with this concept. so many times i've started a project or put an idea into motion.. only to quit and run once the first few bumps in the road leave me bruised and slowing down. but i can't do that. i gotta follow through. and these trials? these trials i feel.. i don't want to be seen as a blind optimistic. but i am so insanely adamant that everything will work itself out in the end. and while i do get extremely discouraged about whether or not things will work out the way they should.. like i always say, and i hope it's not annoying! -- God has a plan. so these "trials" i feel.. about the people in my life. in my heart. i just gotta keep on keepin on. do what God called me to do. keep loving them. persistance. perseverance.

persistence.

patience.

meditation.

application.

discipline.

God is so good, amen? :)

where would i be without You?

i is insanely thankful for a God who makes His mercies new every day.

it's always exciting when God brings new people into our lives.

this semester, i've gotten a chance to reconnect with people i haven't seen or talked to in years! :) and i've also gotten the chance to make new friends as well. it's so cool! not having asian friends ALL the time :p

i thought i'd feel real lonely after y'nhu left. don't get me wrong -- there are moments when i feel a little lonely, but ultimately, God provides. in more ways than one. so i'm definitely looking forward to seeing where God takes my friendships and relationships with people :)

today, i went to mardel with a mission: to find a birthday present for a friend of mine. i have what i want to get her in my mind.. but i am afraid the present could be found offensive. not because it is actually offensive, but i'm not sure how she will react to what i want to give her. i prayed about it while i was there, so hopefully God will reveal to me exactly what she needs. i found something online that is seemingly perfect for her.. but again, i'm just afraid she'll take it the wrong way. i'll pray about it for two more days and then i have to buy it because her birthday is SOON!

camp fusion planning retreat is this weekend so definitely gotta keep that event in my prayers! i can't wait to see what God has planned for the camp! whoo! it's gonna be crazy awesome. :D also, the boys are meeting up for dinner tomorrow night so i gotta remember to pray for a blessed, Christ-centered conversation. i love them so much and can't wait to see them grow into men of God!! i've also been thinking about planning a girls night soon, but i'm honestly kinda nervous. so we'll see! o.o

now. i'm off to study. wish me luck!

psych test tmrw i'm not so psyched.. :)

it's a bad night

if i don't keep myself constantly talking to God, i'm gonna drown in my self-pity.

a challenge has arised.

even more now than ever before.

John 21:15-17

i'm letting my insecurities get to me.

stop letting stupid crap like this define who you are.

you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

breathe, lucy, breathe.

slap-a da bass-a!

tch and i have been running around for the last couple of hours frantically searching for a possible bass i could use for my first lesson tomorrow! all our plans kept hitting dead ends and i was starting to think "oh noes!" but then, of course... God provided :)

yayy for hmong people! and thank goodness for good friends!

i can't wait for my first lesson tomorrow! even though it's almost a two hour drive, i'm excited because angela and i will be learning an instrument other than the piano :P

also, charlie had surgery this afternoon for a hernia so my parents and i visited him and his family at the hospital. praise the Lord he is safe and sound and heavily sedated :D unfortunatley, he's bummed because he can't play football for 6weeks...which is the rest of the season. but here's to a speedy recovery!

in other news, i've been reading through hosea and it's pretty crazy seeing what God and israel's relationship was like. some things i've been trying to work on these last few weeks are memorizing scripture, not praying while sleepy, and most of all -- patience and trust in God. i always obsess and overanalyze over the littlest things and it's always been a real struggle for me to just let go and let God.

please keep me in your prayers! and, as always, let me know how i may pray for you :)

i don't know if you ever look at this, but

i just wanted you to know..

"Sometimes you need to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve."

--

on another note, alawreck told me he's moving away for 3yrs. i'm sad.. but it's not goodbye, right? it's a see-you-later.... man, idk. God has something amazing up His sleeve :)

remember when i wrote about how everyone gets sucked up into their own little lives once the school year starts? and we forget about the friendships we forged over summer.. the friendships we made deeper over summer... idk. maybe i'm thinking too much again.. but it's happened. it's happening. my heart aches every time i think about how much we cease to care about each other and the things we struggle with because we're just too busy with ourselves... our schoolwork, our family problems, our life... me me me me me me me.

my dad's right. we're just consumers.

of course, i'm guilty of it too! please don't see me perched up top with a "holier than thou" attitude.. the Lord has been kind enough to keep me humble.. and if you ever feel i'm not, i implore you to approach me (in love, please!) and let me know so.. but idk.

i look around a lot and i'm just like 'man. this world is crazy. everyone's got problems.. i am only one person. i can't be everywhere at once.' and the helplessness kicks in.

BUT THEN, WAIT!

God kinda punches me on the arm and He says "Hey. that's why I sent you Jesus."

and once again, there is hope :)

taking another step --

i just submitted my application to UNT. i know i'll probably most likely get accepted.. but it's still a little nerve-wracking! i gotta go ask quad C to submit my transcript this week. i wonder what God has in store for me these next couple of months..

<3

sha la la la la la my oh my!

i had a really good day :)
that is all :)

let's take it back to 2003

it was a beautiful letdown

when i c r a s h e d and burned

when i found myself alone

unknown and hurt

it was a beautiful letdown

the day i knew

that all the riches this world had to offer me

would never do

in a world full of bitter pain

and bitter doubts

i was trying so hard to fit in

fit in, until i found out

i don't belong here (i don't belong)

i don't belong here (i don't belong)

i will carry a cross and a song

where i don't belong

i don't belong

it was a beautiful letdown

when You found me here

yeah, for once in a rare blue moon

i see everything clear

i'll be a beautiful letdown

that's what i'll forever be

and though it may cost my soul

i'll sing for free

we're still chasing our tails

in the rising sun

in our dark water planet still spinning

in a direction no one wins

no one's won.

see, i don't belong here (i don't belong)

well, i don't belong here, i don't belong

i will carry a cross

with a song where i don't belong

i don't belong

i don't belong here (i don't belong)

no, i don't belong here, i don't belong

i'm gonna set side

and set sail

for the kingdom come, kingdom come

Your kingdom come

won't You let me down, yeah

let my foolish pride forever let me down

ah, easy living, you're not much like the name

easy dying, you look just about the same

would you please take me off your list

easy living please c'mon and let me down

we are a beautiful letdown

painfully uncool

the church of the dropouts

the losers, the sinners, the failures, and the fools

what a beautiful letdown

are we salt in the wound

hey, let us sing one true tune

i don't belong here (i don't belong)

it feels like i don't belong here, yeah

it goes like i don't belong here

i don't belong (i don't belong)

won't you let me down (i don't belong)

c'mon and let me down (i don't belong)

You always let me down (i don't belong)

so glad that i'm let down (i don't belong)

c'mon and let me down (i don't belong)

'cause i don't belong here

won't You let me down!

switchfoot - beautiful letdown

--

i don't much like how the actual song sounds but the lyrics are just whoa. all the pain and hurt and loss we experience in life just pales in comparison knowing that

Jesus found us, and

He wanted us, and

He saved us, and

He took us

just as we are.

sorry, but that is NOT me.

i am NOT second choice,

and i am NOT disposable.

don't treat me like yesterday's trash that

you can drop at the curb and then

recycle&reuse when you finally deem me

worthy enough of your time.

whoaaaaa, steady.

i think we all need to have a little more accountability and encouragement in our lives.

amen?

let me know how i can help. please<3

the heckkkk

i always get the randomest urges to clean.

for example, my brain finds it IMPERATIVE that i clean my closet. so i'm tackling one corner at a time.

i'm hunger. why am i always so hungry?!

you make me wary.

i feel like i should be in a 'ready to strike back' position .. :/

words can't even express how i feel for you.

i love you and i'm praying for you. please just keep holding on.

God has a plan

i'm building a wall and i pray it won't come down.

i feel like

everyone

is

falling

apart.

but please

just

hang

on.

Hope is on the way

3 hrs of sleep

got through the entire day without getting sleepy once! praise God.

now i feel like i'm about to crash and burnnnnnnn

somebody call 911! shawty fire burnin on the dance floor

whoaaaaaaa!

school=whack

twitter twitter twitter

whoooo-eeeee

i think the impending arrival of my period is causing me to experience 32984 different emotions within a short amount of time. i apologize if you are on the receiving end of any of my Moods :)


la la la la, la la la la, elmo's world.


why is it that i always do everything BUT what i need to do when i need to do something? EX: i should be reading the odyssey's books 3-6 right na na na..but instead.. i am blogging. and cleaning my room.



it's times like these i'm thankful mi papi blocked fb at home or else i'd be O_O


as of late, my attempts at guitar have been... MEH! i can't seem to get the hang of the 'D' chord though. boo :( and the 'F' chord is giving me some trouble...

you know, i've had my cowgirl boots for almost 2 yrs and i have yet to find the perfect outfit to go with it. and i'm still in search of a cowgirl hat! anyone know a good place to buy one? ...i think only two people read this blog. hi matt. hi tch. :D


i'm craving honey nut cheerios,
cookie crisps,
frosted flakes,
and lucky charms.


MUAH!

real talk

man you know what? i don't know who reads this or whatever.. but let me tell yall something.

sometimes i can't take it. YEAH i do take it personally when someone doesn't call me back. i take it kinda personal when people don't write me back on facebook, but they write everyone else back. it may seem stupid to you because "oh it's just facebook" and yeah i get that. so it's whatever.

but i'm sick of IMing you.

of IMtexting you.

of calling you...

and getting crap in return. i take it personally and then i just swallow it and try again.

you guys are so freakin rude.

i'm trying to reach out.. i'm sorry i didn't try earlier.. but i'm trying now.

that's gotta count for something, right?

i know things come up.. you might be busy at the moment i'm trying to reach you..but i know you aren't busy all day.. i KNOW you freaking text on your phone all the freaking time.... so maybe you can be a little courteous when i'm trying to reach you? let me know "hey i'm a little busy but i'll get back to you later." just SOMETHING??? please??

it's just crap like this that makes me want to crawl into a hole and not come out. how do You do it, God?

i keep asking to hang out and you say you'll give me a call later but you DON'T. i wanna say i'll stop trying, but knowing me, i'll keep trying.

this rant isn't out to attack anyone in particular.. it's just a whole lot of yall doing the same thing to me so it gets really frustrating. i don't mean to offend you or make you angry.. just hear me out. someone please LISTEN.

so here's what it is.

i don't want your pity..i just want you to know.

and to maybe understand.

Jesus never quit trying. His love for us didn't have limits or conditions.

that's the example i'm trying to live out to you.

a recommendation!

i just watched 'the ultimate gift.'

i definitely recommend it if you're looking for something to watch. i cried a lot. the movie has a great message overall :) i'm gonna add it to my list of favorite movies.

i wanna have a movie night with my youth so we can watch it!

"Even if you don't have a dream of your own, you can give dreams to others - help them to fulfill their dreams."

remorse?

"God doesn't give you the people you want. He gives you the people you need to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you, and to make you into the person you were meant to be."

my friendships with people have been heading

in different directions for almost a year now.

i can often go about my days normally, but some days i just....

i wish i could pinpoint the exact point in time

where everything got off track

stars

you should see the stars tonight

how they shimmer s h i n e so bright

against the black they look so white

comin down from such a height

to reach me now, reach me now

you should see the moon in the flight

cuttin cross the misty night

softly dancin in sunshine

reflections of this light

reach me now, you reach me now

and how could such a thing

shine its light on me

and make everything beautiful again

and you should feel the sun in the spring

comin out after a rain

suddenly all is green

sunshine on everything

i can feel it now, i feel you now

and how could such a thing

shine its light on me

and make everything beautiful

and you should hear the angels sing

all gathered round their King

more beautiful than you could dream

i've been quietly listening

you can hear 'em now, i hear em now

and how could such a King

shine His light on me

and make everything b e a u t i f u l

and i wanna shine

i wanna be light

i wanna tell you it'll be alright

and i wanna shine and i wanna fly

just to tell you now

it'll be alright, it'll be alright

it'll be alright.

cus i got nothing of my own to give to you

but this light that shines on me shines on you

and makes everything beautiful, again.

it'll be alright, it'll be alright.

this song has been on my ipod for about two years now but i always hit next when it came up. never really gave it a chance. i was driving home from school, and this song was so beautiful i just kept it on repeat. it's got a way of reminding me how perfect God is and how ugly i am... and yet He loves me, He loves me, He loves me. i'll never have to worry about a thing..

God is in control and He's got a beautiful plan :)

so just sit back, enjoy the music and enjoy the ride <3

my car needs to be washed.

i miss summer. and the houston folk :(

saltgrass for dinner tomorrow. yum!

i'm in a chick flick kinda mood.

p.s..... :)

my shorts smell delicious.

RIP phone.

i can't save you

but there is Someone who can.

He is mighty to save.

He is all powerful.

Selfless.

the definition of love.

and best of all..

He loves you.

don't you think for one second there's no one out there to love you.. because there IS.

He's just waiting for you to open up your heart.. don't be afraid.

have faith in love

please don't fight these hands that are holding you.

oh i wish i was an oscar meyer weinerrrr!

- my uterus :(

- i can't believe school is in TWO DAYS!

- hopefully today i will be taking advantage of tax-freeee

- daddy's home safely!

- i just got done practicing guitar for two hours. my fingers hurt :)

- did you know,

with Jesus on your side,

you have nothing to fear?

you'll never be alone and

you'll

always

be

loved.

t r u t h .

homeboy needs to chill!

today, i had a sno-cone that changed my life.

summer's ending already?

just finished hanging out with frank today. it was good to catch up with an old friend. i can't believe a year has passed since we've graduated. crazy.

i need to go school supply shopping.

and i's runnin out of toiletries.

and i have no gas left in my car.

school will be here in a few days.. i'm excited! and nervous. and kinda bummed! i'm excited because i can be busy againnn. nervous because i'll be going to a different campus and i won't know anyone! aghh. i hate those first-day-of-school jitters i always get. i can never sleep the night before school starts. and i'm bummed because school starting means almost all the friendships we made and people we talked to during summer will end. everyone just gets caught up in their own lives :( booo.

but i'm gonna do my best to keep in touch with everyone!

on the realsss.

i feel weird writing now.

i'm gonna go do laundry.

i love laundry.

:)