a very jumbled recap.

so this post is REALLY REALLY unorganized and not very well thought out due to lack of preparation time.. but i still wanted to post it just to let my 3? readers have a chance to sneak a peek into what all God took me through this year. SO.. though it is poorly written, please bear with me and take what i wrote as happy things :) that sentence made absolutely no sense i'm sorry. it's almost 8 in the morning and i haven't sleep since 1pm yesterday. WHOOOOOOOOO!

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Things I've learned/re-learned in 2009:

1. Don’t ever compare yourself to anyone else. – this is something I’m still trying to remember. It’s so easy for me to compare myself to other people… she’s so much prettier.. she has better clothes.. her smile is brighter.. her eyelashes are so long while mine are straight and boring and NEVER CURL... people like her more because of this, because of that…. MAN! In the words of Sebastian, the wise crab from ‘The Little Mermaid’ : you’ve got to be you, I’ve got to me, so simple but true who else could you be!.... God created only one you. You are the only person that could ever possibly be you. You are your own unique, awesome person created in God’s image. Why would you WANT to be ANYBODY else?? It’s tough but I have to constantly remind myself that I am created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27) and I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). God doesn’t create trash! So maybe I’m not what the world would consider pretty.. but I am beautiful in my own way and God has blessed me with certain qualities that bring glory to Him.
2. God won’t always give you the people you want. Instead, He’ll give you the people you need in your life to grow and learn from. – friendships have definitely changed for me this year. Some have moved into different seasons.. others have fallen apart. I’ve forged new friendships and rekindled old ones. The Lord has been good to me. I’d like to say I can walk away from this year knowing more about what it means to be a friend and what a friend is to me. I learned that it’s more important to focus on the quality than the quantity. I’ve been called out and humbled. Truly, truly humbled. Sitting in my bathtub at 2am crying my eyes out… the Lord is good to me. He took me in His arms and showed me I am made new. I’ve been encouraged.. a lot of times I feel SPOILED for the amount of encouragement God blesses me with. Encouragement came from people I would have never expected… such a blessing. My closest, oldest friend moved 4 hours away from me this year. I expected loneliness to overshadow my life.. but God wouldn’t allow it. Different seasons. Amen. I was blessed enough to meet a girl in one of my classes whose love for the Lord was an inspiration and a breath of fresh air. She was truly genuine about her faith. She reminded me of something I had forgotten. She reminded me of how important it is to share the Good News with everyone. It was so awesome seeing her fearlessly talk to random strangers about the love of Christ. Praise the Lord :) A friendship from someone 4 hours away grew out of nowhere… and his faithfulness to the Lord has been an encouragement for me in more ways than one. But mostly what I learned this year about friendships is that I have Someone who will never leave me (Hebrews 13:5b). SERIOUSLY. It sounds SO CHEESY… but this year, I really saw that Jesus is ALWAAAAAAAYS with me. In those moments when I’m sitting on my bathroom floor crying.. to the moments where my heart feels like it’s about to burst with joy.. He is there. What a friend we have in Jesus, amen? :)
3. I learned who really cares about me. I’ve realized that the people that truly love you… the people you can call friends… they are the ones that will call you back when they see they have a missed call from you. No excuses. They’re the people that call YOU up when they notice you haven’t been calling them. They’re the ones that randomly IM you to see how you’re doing, how they can pray for you. They’re the ones that send emails to update you about little everyday things in their life. They’ll call you out on your crap when you need it and they’ll lift you up when you need some repair. Thank you. You guys know who you are.
4. There is power in prayer. For the longest time, I’d been praying for something very personal. It affected my life a whole lot… and it hurt a whole lot. I thought God would never send the healing needed for my family… after all, I’d been praying for years and years for relief. But this year… God answered my prayer. For the first time in a long time, I saw us laugh together and enjoy each other’s company. It was such a blessing and I will always keep those memories in my mind. Don’t get me wrong… we are nowhere near perfect… but knowing the Lord has picked out these three people to take me through life is so humbling… can you believe He sits there and hand picks each person and already knows where we’ll butt heads and where we’ll complement each other?? Such a mind-boggling thought. Anyway, my point in all this is that the Lord provides. Maybe not when we want and how we want – but He provides. All He asks is that we remain faithful to Him.
5. God’s got His own game plan. I’m just here for the ride.



OTHER things I’ve learned/re-learned/observed from myself and others?

1. Most people don’t really care to keep in touch with you. If you come across a person that actually goes through with their attempts to keep in touch with you… they’re keepers.
2. I don’t really care for dai hoi anymore. It’s lost its excitement.
3. God has a wacky sense of humor.
4. I wear my hair up when I haven’t showered in a few days.
5. A lot of people out there are FAKE!
6. I can’t stand certain people.
7. Girls are petty. And catty. Meow.
8. Miranda Kerr is adorable.
9. Mirror pictures never get old.
10. Filipino people are really cool. And almost all of them can sing and/or dance very well.
11. Playing guitar is kinda painful.
12. TCH is a rare, true-blue friend. I can always count on him to listen when I need someone to just listen.
13. I am pretty much destined to look the same for the rest of my life.
14. Promises are not forever.
15. But people can still pick themselves up and keep walking.
16. All because of God’s strength.
17. Time capsules allow a group of people to be together always.
18. Even if in real life, they go in a million different directions.
19. We’ll always have that one year where everything was together.
20. You can’t be afraid to move on to new things.
21. God paints the prettiest sunrises and even beautiful-er sunsets.
22. Frozen yogurt is insanely overrated.
23. I don’t like Lady Gaga.
24. Saranya is a great friend and I’m thankful she’s my friend.
25. I love my cousins.
26. Wood + chocolate = coffee.
27. Always call your friends back.
28. Writing is good for the soul.
29. Taylor Swift is fuh reakin awesome.
30. So are wooden playgrounds.
31. I can bake a cake!
32. If you break one phone and lose another, you can get a new one!
33. But that still doesn’t mean you can get texting.
34. I’m not too shabby at rollerblading.
35. Creamed corn is muy delicioso.
36. Enjoy time with little kids now because before you know it, they’ll be teenagers.
37. Tacky sweaters are kinda cute.
38. Sometimes, a conversation can make all the difference.
39. Don’t be afraid to tell someone what you’re really thinking.
40. I have to clean my house at least twice a week.
41. My family is forever loud.
42. I like my hair short.
43. Beignets do exist in Dallas.
44. Jonathan Kang and I hang out randomly.
45. Crawfish is SOOOOOOO GOOOOOOD
46. Cambodian people are very nice.
47. You can never be too old for bounce houses.
48. Being there on someone’s graduation day is a big encouragement!
49. I like giraffes
50. I’ve lost countless hours of sleep because of Michelle calling me at late hours.
51. Zip-lining is kinda freaky
52. If you think he’s a player, he’s probably a player.
53. If you put in that LITTLE EXTRA PUSH… you can get that A.
54. Mud in the mouth is not fun.
55. Pong is a painful game.
56. Everyone’s growing up really fast.
57. My metabolism is starting to catch up with me.
58. Gossiping will catch up to you sooner or later.
59. I will never get tired of Golden Chick.
60. Eating lunch by yourself is not a bad thing.
61. 7-eleven gas SUCKS!
62. I look okay in skinny jeans.
63. My money is not my money. it’s God’s money.
64. Frank Zhou can live a million miles away and our friendship will still be okay.
65. Be true to yourself.

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while there is sooooo much more i would like to add to both lists........... i haven't the time. but if you're interested in hearing more and i've carefully planned out more thoughts in my head, we should totally get together sometime for some food or ice cream or fruity smoothies but please no frozen yogurt.

i will try to take a nap now. we leave for camp in a few hours and i'm still not packed. and i have to shower. and i'm STARVING!! can't wait to see what God's got up His sleeve for this camp and 2010!!!!!!!!!!!




love love love love.

i've got peace like a river, i've got peace like a riverrr

A week ago, I was all down because I had spent some time reflecting on where I had failed as a friend. A few days ago, I was becoming overwhelmed with the Christmas rush and holiday stress. I was feeling hurt and misunderstood because of a lot of different things. It was so frustrating.. I just wanted to sit down and be alone and cry happy tears and truly give thanks to God for the gift He sent the world 2000 years ago. I felt like I would never get any down time to sit and spend true time with God.

So now it's a couple days later.. I haven't gotten the long, quiet silence I wanted to have just yet.. but I am definitely grateful the Christmas rush is slowing down. Of course, there's still much work to be done, but God'll see me through.

He's got a funny way of taking all my worries, the anxiety and stress, and my fears and failures and replacing them with peace and HOPE.


I'm so thankful I have hope :)


Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18



I feel like I'm right where I'm supposed to be.
Everything is in the mighty hands of my Lord :)

forks

I wish I had chosen a different road.


Instead of taking the road of judgement, I wish I had chosen to walk the road of love.
Instead of not speaking up the many times I should have, I wish I had chosen to be brave.
Instead of being quick to become angry, I wish I had held my breath and chosen to listen.


Why'd I let it get this far? Growing up doesn't necessarily mean we have to grow apart.

A sense of urgency

We are called out; we are ransomed
We are not of the world we're in
We are chosen; we are blessed
To bring light to the lives of men
So Father sow your seed
Give us life in community
Wake us from our sleep
This is Your time; this is Your place
And we are vessels for breaking

Under Your grace, we are led by Your Spirit
You have redeemed us by the blood of Your Son
Send down Your Word; we are eager to hear it
Ready our hearts to carry Your love

You are sunlight; You are morning
You're the hope of a brand new day
You are comfort; You are blessing
And You wipe all our tears away
So change us from within
Renedr miracles from our sin
Remind us once again
This is Your time; this is Your place
We are vessels for breaking

goooosfraba.

i just spent 40 minutes putting my newly washed bedsheets on my bed.



38 of the 40 minutes were spent trying to make my bed sheet even.
and it's STILL not even! FRUSTRATION!! ugh. i give up for now.


i'm going to try to study for my biology final now. it's tomorrow at 11am. please pray for me :( i'm kinda nervous. alsdkfjsadlfjksd three more days

"yet not my will, but yours be done."

Tonight's quiet time came from Luke 22:39-53. Jesus goes to pray on the Mount of Olives before being betrayed by Judas.

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."


It's comforting to know that even though Jesus knew what He was about to go through, He still brought glory to God. He still said "Your will be done" (emphasis mine).


Gotta keep checking and re-checking that my thoughts, actions, wants and desires are aligning with His. Humility and accountability. Sensitivity and obedience.


So much faith is needed for every hour of my life. Some things are happening that I cannot control but You, Lord, You are so good. I kneel and I praise You.

it ain't no coincidence

My heart says of you, "Seek his face!"
Your face, LORD, I will seek.

Wait for the Lord; be strong and
take heart and wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27:8, 14

when did we stop trying?

Lord, please take it from me because i can't handle it.




when the world has fallen out from under me
i'll be found in You, still standing
when the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
when time and space are through
i'll be found in You

forever You are faithful

forever You are strong
forever You are with us
forever


i really ought to be studying for my two tests tomorrow, but i just wanted to stop by and encourage whoever reads this to add matt chandler and his family to their prayer list. his surgery is at noon today. pray for a safe operation and a speedy recovery. pray for him and his family to continue trusting in the Lord, that they continue to remain faithful to God's plan and that they continue to bring glory to His name. God is in total control of our lives - something truly worth of praise.

you've got a friend in me! you've got a friend in me!

12.2.09
1:28am


been thinking a lot lately about a few things.. the first of these was recently brought up to me by a friend of mine. he said something very profound; he said "the length of a friendship slowly kills the will to understand each other."

this got me to thinkin. it seems to be pretty true in most cases. i felt as though i have been on both the giving and receiving end in this particular situation.

so profound.

i have so much to work on when it comes to being a friend and to be honest, there are times where i feel like my friendships with people have become complacent and we don't really try to understand each other and question and challenge and encourage each other. i don't want to have surface friendships.

sometimes i'm afraid to share how i'm doing and what i'm feeling or what i've been thinking about because i feel bothersome or i feel as though people aren't really listening. Lord knows i'm guilty of not giving people 100% of my attention when listening. that's kind of why i simply keep to myself or my blog. privacy is good but i need to remember i need to also share with others how i'm doing so they can know how to pray for me and keep me accountable. another thing to add to my list of improving myself :P



i never really paid attention to it before, but it's been there all along. it's so important for us to constantly take a step back, look at we have and PRAISE GOD for it. oftentimes i get so wrapped up in myself that i forget to treasure what i have and WHO i have. God's blessed me with so many different people in my life; some people i've know since i was born and others have come into my life just this semester. new friends are always exciting to me because it's something fresh and someone i've yet to understand and know about. but i need to remember to treasure those God has placed in my life all along.

i think we often forget that we're constantly changing, evolving, adapting to the people around us, the world we live in. we forget that people will change or grow up or be just a little bit different and that we need to move with them. i can't call myself a friend to so-and-so if all i think about is how much i miss how they used to be and how things used to be. because that's not really who they are anymore. what's done is done and i gotta remember that this is the here and now. every day given to us is a gift from God. people are meant to be in a constant state of growth and i gotta remember to treasure people for who they are today and who they can become in the future.

Lord Jesus, please continue to help me love others as You do.


another thing i've been thinking about is matt chandler and his family. it's been SO encouraging and inspiring to see thousands of people rally in prayer support for him and his family. we serve a beautiful God :)

but it got me to thinkin. i heard somewhere that every person is going to suffer a tragedy of some sort in their life at one point or another. a loved one dying or the loss of a job or a broken relationship. i wonder if this is true. the thought scares me. the thought of losing my dad or my mom or angela or my friends.... scares the crap out of me! i can't imagine life without them.. but again, this goes back to my other blog post about how i can't hold on to things too tightly because nothing is forever.. i know i shouldn't be afraid because God has a purpose for everything in my life, but i can't help but be a little scared. like this thing with matt chandler's family.. to be living a full and happy life one day then discover a mass on the frontal lobe of your brain the next.. it's absolutely frightening. the thought of it. man. i'm seriously amazed at how faithful they are to God's will and His plan. they are still praising God and that is a strong testament to other believers. amen!

this is something i have to keep working on. not being afraid of loss. Christ is within me; i have nothing to lose and everything to gain.


there's one more thing that's been on my mind but i don't wanna share publicly so i'll write about it in my secret blog :) hahaha. thank you for reading.. i think i have... five readers now? :) i should do a shout out... those are cool... i always feel cool when i get shout outs :) maybe next blog!! yessssss. sounds like a plan. i'll just list names so your heart can skip a little when you see YOUR name! :O



anyway, whoever yall are - thanks for taking the time out of your day to read about my ramblings :) i pray that you walk with Jesus today and grow in your love and knowledge for Him. talk to Him; dig into His word! i'm totally giving you a thumbs up to encourage you right now :)









i'm sitting in my bed and edwin says hi. he's lying down to the right of me, smiling as always ;) i can hear rain on the window and five times august - better with you is playing on angela's iLuv. i'm wearing purple sweats and my gray cougar athletic training long sleeve shirt. my hair's in a messy ponytail and my toes are cold :)

CAN YOU PICTURE ME?!?!?! :D :D :D i hope you can picture me. i hope that was a descriptive enough description.

i am also hungry. MAN OH MAN am i hungry. i am currently craving wingstop and thin crust pizza. MAN! i don't wanna go to school tomorrow. or technically, today since it's 2am on the dot! i'm getting sleeeeeeeeepy............


this is gonna sound/look kinda weird because i'm posting this during the day but actually writing this at night. but yeah. okey dokey pokey, i need to stop blogging. it's 2 am; i'm getting sleepy and i still gotta have my Jesus time and i don't wanna be all sleepy while talking to Him! tonight is luke 20:20-26! waHoOoOOoooo!


yall have a blessed day :)

/2:01am