undeserving

But the harder I try
the more clearly can I feel
The depth of our fall
and the weight of it all
And so this might could be
the most impossible thing
Your grandness in me
making me clean

letters

some things run too deep to put into words
that could adequately speak what you feel.
so i'll take this and i'll tuck it away
into a place in my heart only you've seen.









thank You for being so wonderful to me.
You truly are the definition of love.

Things I would like to do

1. I would like to go to the beach. I miss the warm sun, saltwater stinging my eyes, and squishing my toes in the sand.

2. I would like to get my camera fixed.

3. I would like to make sense of things.

4. I would like to pick up the phone and dial your number just to hear you talk.. but I don't want to annoy you with my wallowing. Not that I'm wallowing.

Sacrifice.

Today's sermon came from 2 Samuel 24:18-25.


David Builds an Altar

On that day Gad went to David and said to him, "Go up and build an altar to the LORD on the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite." So David went up, as the LORD had commanded through Gad. When Araunah looked and saw the king and his men coming toward him, he went out and bowed down before the king with his face to the ground.

Araunah said, "Why has my lord the king come to his servant?"

"To buy your threshing floor," David answered, "so I can build an altar to the LORD, that the plague on the people may be stopped."

Araunah said to David, "Let my lord the king take whatever pleases him and offer it up. Here are oxen for the burnt offering, and here are threshing sledges and ox yokes for the wood. O king, Araunah gives all this to the king." Araunah also said to him, "May the LORD your God accept you."

But the king replied to Araunah, "No, I insist on paying you for it. I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing."

So David bought the threshing floor and the oxen and paid fifty shekels of silver for them. David built an altar to the LORD there and sacrificed burnt offerings and fellowship offerings. Then the LORD answered prayer in behalf of the land, and the plague on Israel was stopped.

Verse 24: wow. Thank You, Lord, for speaking through the sermon this morning to me.. thank You for reminding me sometimes worship requires sacrifice. What is sacrifice? -- it's giving up something you love and cherish for something you love and cherish more.

How could I ever give You anything less than the best?


God never promised an easy ride.. just a safe landing. So this road I walk, it will be hard, but thank You for reminding me it's about sacrificing and surrendering and drawing close to You.


all to Jesus, i surrender
all to Him i freely give
i will ever love and trust Him
in His presence, daily live

i surrender all
i surrender all
all to thee, my blessed Savior
i surrender all



There is pain in the offering but You are enough for me.

:)

I'm sorry, guys. After re-reading my posts from the beginning of this year until now, I realize I don't sound very happy.

Don't get me wrong -- there are plenty of times when I haven't been happy; my blogs can attest to that.

But I wanted you guys to know.. at the end of the day, I am joyous.

FOR REALS!

I am an optimist at heart. There's always an upside to everything.. even the hardest, most heartbreaking things. You know why?

Because GOD is GOOD. ALL. THE. TIME.


I can put my head down with peace and joy filling my heart.

Because even if we are hard pressed on every side, we are NOT crushed. We might be perplexed, but we are NOT in despair. Persecuted, but NOT abandoned; struck down, but we will NEVER be destroyed.
-2 Corinthians 4:7-9 (emphasis mine)


SO, please know that yes, my road, your road, THE road we are walking while following Jesus IS hard. Will be hard. But you and I can take JOY in knowing we don't walk the road alone and we can do it because we have our MIGHTY Savior, Jesus :)



And with that, I bid you adieu. I am off to shower and get ready for my first day at a university! Granted, I am quite nervous.. I don't know what to expect and I'm not sure how to feel around such a huge crowd.. but the Lord'll take care of me :) I worry over the silliest things :)

The sun is SHININGGG, the temperature is a LOVELY 70 SOMETHING DEGREES, I am forever loved!


Yall have a blessed, blessed day :) :) :)

i said brrrrr! it's cold in here!

2am.

Not gonna lie. I've been really moody ever since coming back from Lua Linh camp. Please just let me be and pray for me.

I've been more impatient than usual, cranky and easily frustrated and angered at the smallest things. What's wrong with me, God?

Tonight, I was trying SO HARD not to get frustrated with my mom. I failed. I have to remember to bring EVERYTHING to the Lord in prayer. To the Lord FIRST and FOREMOST. I got tired of feeling angry, so I took to my knees and placed my frustration at the foot of the cross.

My level of peace didn't get to where I wanted right away.. but the Lord is good. I am sitting in the hallway of my upstairs, basking in His grace. I get this wonderful gift every day, all over again.




SO unworthy, but STILL You love me.


Thank You, Jesus.

glory, glory this i S I N G

What can wash away my sins?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus
What can make me whole again?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus

This is all my hope and peace
Nothing but the blood of Jesus
This is all my rightness
Nothing but the blood of Jesus

Glory, Glory, this I sing
Nothing but the blood of Jesus
All my praise for this I bring
Nothing but the blood of Jesus

Oh precious is that flow
That makes me white as snow
No other fount I know
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

LKJFDSALKJFDSA

Why do I feel like this?!! Why do I feel so unhappy and angry?

i DON'T want to concentrate on how i'm feeling. I feel like I'm fighting off these demons that are trying to get me to be angry with You, to hate You.. to focus on MYSELF. i'm doing my best to fight them off, Lord Jesus..

i'm coming back to the HEART of WORSHIP
and it's all about YOU
it's all about YOU, JESUS.
i'm sorry, Lord for the thing i've made it
when it's all about YOU
it's all about YOU, JESUS..

God, me and You tonight please. more than ever.
whatever this is I'm going through.. my heart will keep crying out to You.
blessed be Your name forever and ever. may it ring true in my life.

--



There's distance in the air and I cannot make it leave
i wave my arms' round about me and blow with all my might
I cannot sense you close, though I
know you're always here
But the comfort of you near is what i long for

When I can't feel you, I have learned
to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you, I know you
still hear every word I pray
And i want you more than i want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful

All the folly of the past, though I know it is undone
i still feel the guilty one, still
trying to make it right
So i whisper soft your name, let
it roll around my tongue,
knowing You're the only one who knows me
You know me

When I can't feel you, I have learned
to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you, I know you
still hear every word I pray
And i want you more than i want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful

Show me how I should live this
Show me where I should walk
I count this world as loss to me
You are all I want
You are all I want

Lord, please

slow me down.

Give me the strength to fight the distractions.
I can't do it without You.

It probably doesn't make sense to you,

but please just give me some time.

I finally found some time

to sit down and write.

There's a lot more on my mind, but I'll just share with ya'll a little bit.


If this weekend at Lua Linh camp showed me anything at all about myself, it is that I still have a long way to go.


"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." -Psalm 139:23-24


I am a sinner. My selfishness has no end.



We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
Romans 7:14-20


This weekend reminded me how MUCH I need JESUS. The passage above shows that no matter how hard I try to do good, to be good.. to be a good Christian, a leader, a role model, daughter, friend, sister.. I will always fail.

I need You, Jesus. Apart from You, I am lost. Thank You for giving Your life in place of mine, Your blood instead of mine. Thank You for making me new and perfect in God's eyes.

Thank You for redeeming me.


If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.

.............

it's not even like that.
do i need to explain myself?