Refreshed

First things first, I just wanted to say thank you to whoever still checks this blog daily or weekly to see if I've updated. I know it has been a LONG time since I've written. Life has been keeping me occupied :)


Truly, I am blessed. God loves me enough to keep working on me and moving me into different seasons of life. I acknowledge it with joy and continue to walk by faith and not by sight.

As of late, I feel my heart and mind calling me to a new place to write. (Still working on regularly journaling by hand!) That isn't to say I won't be back to write in this blog ever again; after all, this blog and I go way back and I hold much endearment for it. It'll be like revisiting an old friend when I want to take a walk down memory lane. But for now, I'd like to keep moving forward.

I am still debating whether or not I want to share the link with friends, and if i do, with whom shall I share it with? Hopefully this mystery will soon be revealed to me :)


I have loved writing in this blog and I love everyone that has been a part of it. Thank you for being such a blessing in my life! To God be the glory :)

already??!

I cannot believe the semester is coming to a close. It has been one heck of a ride this school year. One thing I've definitely come to realize is how dependent I am on God. It's crazy. He really is the source of everything.


Still struggling with things.. Lord, You know my heart. Never understood how important faith is.. until now. Sometimes it's all we have, ya know?


Anyway, I really should be studying for my physics final tomorrow. Of course, my hardest final would be last :(


Thanks for all you faithful readers out there! I think I have about 2-3.. whoever ya'll are, I am grateful for you guys checking up on me.


All righty, God, let's do dis thaangggg!

Psalm 8:3-4

When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,

what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?

Nowhere near to the thanks You deserve, but here's a small offering to You anyway :)

Thank You for ALLOWING me to live TWENTY YEARS. What a blessing. Thank You for Your beautiful gift of grace I have received every second I have been alive. Thank You for Your mercies new every morning. You have been here since before I was born; You know everything about me... every hair on my head, every thought in my mind, the deepest desires of my heart.

You've given me SO many blessings. My family.. Lord, thank You for picking parents that love You so fiercely. Thank You for my little sister, annoying as crap, but so special and SMART in her own way. For my home, my bed, food to eat, clothes to wear, a car to drive, an education, a church to worship in, opportunities to serve You, the ability to taste and smell and touch and hear and SEE... the ability to walk, run, move around.....

Thank You for my friends. I don't deserve 'em. In more ways than one. Thank You for my youth group... so, so, so precious.

Thank You.. for always being there. Knowing, understanding and LOVING me.

I can't believe someone like You is captivated by someone like me. :)

Here's to the roads we've walked, the road You're walking with me now, and the roads You've yet to lead me down. May my heart and life look towards You foreverandeverandever...

Lamentations 3:21-26, 37-40

21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.


37 Who can speak and have it happen
if the Lord has not decreed it?

38 Is it not from the mouth of the Most High
that both calamities and good things come?

39 Why should any living man complain
when punished for his sins?

40 Let us examine our ways and test them,
and let us return to the LORD.

Amen.

It always seems to come back

The failure and as a result, the worry.
Gotta keep holding on to what I know is true - You.

Sparsely so

I am no longer able to access my blog at home so updates will be here and there. God has definitely been reminding me over and over again how CONSTANT He is. And it's beautiful :)

Your grace is enough.

"Worry begins as a thin stream trickling through our minds. If entertained, it cuts a deeper channel into which other thoughts are drained."






Mark 4.

NONE but Jesus

in the chaos in confusion
i know You're sovereign still
in the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will

--

I wish I could give ya'll more than just song lyrics lately.. but.. that's pretty much all I have for now. Where words fail, music speaks :) I'm not depressed or anything! -- just contemplative. Been constantly reminded that there's always a way out with the things I struggle with.

Today, I realized I've been allowing fear and doubt to drive a wedge between God and me. But I can't do that anymore. I can't be afraid and mistrusting. God is SOVEREIGN and He loves me and He will provide a path for me. Easier said than done but Lord, please send me Your strength. May I be made more faithful.

Another blank one

I wish I had been stronger so then I wouldn't have to feel so afraid.

Forgiven

Well the past is playing with my head
And failure knocks me down again
I’m reminded of the wrong
That I have said and done
And that devil just wont let me forget

In this life
I know what I’ve been
But here in your arms
I know what I am

I’m forgiven
I’m forgiven
And I don’t have to carry
The weight of who I’ve been
Cause I’m forgiven

My mistakes are running through my mind
And I’ll relive my days, in the middle of the night
When I wrestle with my pain, struggle with my pride
Sometimes I feel alone, and I cry

When I don't fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere
When I don’t measure up to much in this life
Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ ‘cause

I’m forgiven
I’m forgiven
And I don’t have to carry
The weight of who I’ve been
Cause I’m forgiven

It's not about loving the people who are easy to love.

It's gotta be about those that are hard to love. You know?


Those people that push you away, shut you out.
The angry people.
The bitter ones.
The selfish people.
The lost ones.
The lonely people.
The ones that seem to have drifted away.
The gossips.
The fakes.
The liars.
The cheaters and backstabbers.
The ones that break their promises.
The ones that just can't let go and move on.
The ones that are immature and need to grow up.
The ones that don't care about you.
The ones that don't have HOPE.



It's about being persistent in reaching out to these people in your life, day in and day out - as tiring as it may be. As discouraging as it may be.

Do it anyway.

ready to be used

find me here
speak to me
i want to feel You
i need to hear You
You are the light
that's leading me
to the place where i find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...You're everything.

how can i stand here with You and not be moved by You?
would You tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and You give me rest.
You hold me in Your hands; You won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and You take my breath away.
would You take me in? take me deeper now?

how can i stand here with You and not be moved by You?
would You tell me how could it be any better than this?
and how can i stand here with You and not be moved by You?
would You tell me how could it be any better than this?

cause You're all i want, You're all i need
You're everything, everything
You're all i want, You're all i need
You're everything, everything.
You're all i want, You're all i need.
You're everything, everything
You're all i want, You're all i need
You're everything, everything.

and how can i stand here with You and not be moved by You?
would You tell me how could it be any better than this?
how can i stand here with You and not be moved by You?
would You tell me how could it be any better than this?

how can i stand here with You and not be moved by You?
would You tell me how could it be any better than this?

would You tell me how could it be any better than this?

Walking, walking

Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me


lead me to the cross

Time management

is key!
is KEY!!
is. key.


Okay so, to be honest, I don't even really remember my New Year's Resolution(s). I wrote it down somewhere.. but now I don't even remember where I wrote it. -_-

SO.

I'm going to make some new resolution(s). Not even a NYR because I tend to fail at those. I will just make it a "resolution-just-to-resolute." If that makes any sense. I don't even really know what "resolution" means. It looks like "re-solution." Now the word "solution" looks like it's spelled wrong.

.....Okay. I was going to go somewhere with the whole "re-solution" thing.. but now I have gone and forgotten where I was going to go with it.

Back to my resolution(s)!


1. I would like to be on time. NO. Not even ON TIME. I'd like to be EARLY.
I realize I'm running late a lot.. to worship practice Sunday mornings, picking up my sister, meeting up friends. Sometimes I arrive to class RIGHT when class starts or a few minutes after.. I'd like to be done with all that. From now on, I would like to arrive 5-10 minutes early.

2. I would like to set a time limit on the amount of Facebooking I do each day.
This sounds silly.. setting a time limit. But after observing myself these last few weeks, I noticed I am getting slightly bored of looking at other people's lives.. and I've also noticed I've been wasting precious, precious time. My dad recently asked me to read this article he found about social networking. I'd like to write more about the article.. but frankly, I'm too lazy. Hahaha. Sorry. Maybe another time. ANYWAY. I'll have to think about how much time I want to allow myself to Facebook.

So yes. I will keep you guys updated!.. my faithful 6(?) readers. :) I'm sure there are a few more resolutions I would like to add the list. But for now, I'll work on these two. One step at a time and all that. Chip, chip, cheerio.

Anyway, I'm going to go be productive (hopefully) and try to finish up my homework for the weekend. Ta ta!

Frustrated.

Breathe in, breathe out.



Doing my best not to view it
as chains that tie me down
or ropes that hold me back.


Breathe in, breathe out.

Travelling mercies

Lord, please bring my papa home safely!!




heart heart <3

Updates

So I figured I'd give whoever reads this blog an update because I realized my last couple of entries haven't done much justice to my ability to write sentences.

If that made any sense.. it makes sense in my head. :)

School
It's my first semester at UNT and since I'm pretty much done with my basics, I'm taking classes that are for my major. It's slightly overwhelming.. I feel completely out of the loop and I have no clue what the heck my teacher's talking about! In my EDEC 1033 (Intro to Early Childhood Education) class, we have to post responses to these discussion topics each week. Reading other people's responses makes me feel super dumb because a lot of the things they write about.. I have no earthly idea what it is! My DFST 2033 (Parenting in Diverse Families) is sooo long I have a lot of trouble paying attention in it. I also don't really understand the point of the class.. My physics class is pretty fast-paced as well. And my linguistics class is really hard. I'm scared I'm gonna flunk out of my first semester at a university. NOT SAYING I'm failing my classes or anything; I'm doing just fine grade-wise.. but actually truly learning and grasping the material, I feel light years behind. Then again, I do need to step it up a notch - time management is key!

Friends
I always complained about how much I dislike the school year because everyone gets really caught up in their own lives and schoolwork that no one ever bothers to keep in touch and stay updated on how their friends are doing. Now here I am.. doing the exact thing I used to complain about! I've also been thinking a lot about where my friendships with people stand.. it's been a little disheartening to see what I've come up with.. but God is good and I am thankful I have Him to see me through. Yeah yeah, I sound cheesy but I speak truth. Been feeling kinda out of the loop with my friends lately.. of course, I have to take some of the blame for this but I also need to remember friendship is a two-way street. NOT TRYING to dog on any of my friends! Just a reminder for myself. I'll leave that at that.

Family
Currently my dad is out of town. He's in Connecticut until Wednesday, but earlier today he sent an email saying there's supposed to be a huge winter storm Wednesday so he might be stuck up there until Thursday. It's always a little nerve wrecking (nerve wracking?) for me whenever he goes out of town. I'm a natural worrier so I always have these morbid thoughts that he might not make it home safely. Horrible, I know. It's just another reminder that I can't control people's lives anymore than my own.. everything is in God's hands and I need to learn to be thankful of the time I DO have with my family. So, if ya'll could please pray for my dad to have a safe flight home, that'd be great :) My mom and Angela are doing okay.. I know my mom's job stresses her out a lot but she does it for the family.. I'm really thankful for her. She's kinda crazy sometimes but she has a good heart and works hard for us. Angela's growing up really fast.. it's kinda scary how quick time goes by. Her attitude is also growing at an exponential rate -_- .. gotta remember to pray for her as she grows up and come into contact with a thousand different influences throughout her day.

Church
Church has been time-consuming and stress-inducing these last few weeks. Our Vietnamese New Year's program is this Saturday and the college-age kids had been asked to do a dance and a fashion show. At first, I was really looking forward to working with everyone again because it's been awhile since we've all REALLY worked together at something/been together for long amounts of time.. but as the weeks passed, everything started becoming more like WORK instead of SERVING. Believe me when I say I will be incredibly thankful for the program to be done and over with but I can't help but feel God tugging at my heart when I start feeling the need to complain about how aggravating putting all this stuff together was. I feel like we forgot to really pray about our time together and the program.. and because of it, everyone's tempers were shortened, nerves were rattled, and problems ensued. SO - we have only three more days until the program. We still have some relatively large loose ends that we need to tie up and YES, it is frustrating that that's the case (even though I played a role in the loose ends-causing).. but I will give all of it to the Lord and approach the situation with patience and joy. This Tet program will be a wonderful opportunity for believers and non-believers alike to come and celebrate the new year, so I gotta put my best foot forward and represent the Lord best I can!

Miscellaneous
-My mom broke my camera right before 2010 started and I've been meaning to mail it out to get it fixed. I hate not having a camera! I like to refer to this time as "The Dark Ages" because I can't physically document anything that's been happening in my life! I miss taking pictures. Hopefully I have time to go to the post office this week.
-I haven't done laundry in about a month. I need to get on that. I'm afraid of my closet right now. There are clothes and hangers strewn EVERYWHERE!
-My mom always complains about how I sit on my floor to do my homework.. to be honest, I do this because I don't like my desk. I really want to buy a new one!! Mine's is ugly and doesn't match my room.. I sound spoiled.. I should be thankful to have a desk huh... :( ... I'm still not gonna sit at it though.
-I am in dire need of a car wash and new windshield wipers. I gotta stop parking in the garage while my mama's cooking.. the oil..
-I have a strong urge to watch The Notebook. AGAIN. Last year, I had a craving for it, so I borrowed it from someone (I forgot who) and watched it 7 times within a span of a few days. It was AWESOME. If YOU'RE A BIRD, I'M A BIRD <3
-The weather is horrible! I'm sad the groundhog saw his shadow and now we have 2394832 more weeks of this crap cold. People that like the cold.. I view them as a little loopy hahah. The only good thing about winter time is CHRISTMAS! Give me shorts and a t-shirt any day. ....I almost wrote shirts and a t-short but then I realized it looked wrong -_-


Anyway, I think all of that can pretty much sum up how I've been doing and what I've been dealing with for the last few weeks. If you want to know more or have questions, I'd love to talk! I'm off to start writing a paper now. Ya'll have a blessed, blessed Wednesday :)

b-l-a-n-k

Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while

And didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down

And this is all that I can say right now
i know it's not much
And this is all that I can give
yeah that's my everything

I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet

Just around the riverbend

I feel like I've lost the fight in me. Are any of us striving for the same things anymore? Is it okay if I just walk away and let the pieces fall where they may? Lord, I don't know anymore...



I feel it might be time to open up new doors.



Restore my hope; strengthen my faith.
I just gotta cling to You.
Jesus, take the wheel.

!!!

I am severely missing some good quality time with these people:

Slow and quiet

I can't remember the last time I had a real conversation with any girl friends of mine.

undeserving

But the harder I try
the more clearly can I feel
The depth of our fall
and the weight of it all
And so this might could be
the most impossible thing
Your grandness in me
making me clean

letters

some things run too deep to put into words
that could adequately speak what you feel.
so i'll take this and i'll tuck it away
into a place in my heart only you've seen.









thank You for being so wonderful to me.
You truly are the definition of love.

Things I would like to do

1. I would like to go to the beach. I miss the warm sun, saltwater stinging my eyes, and squishing my toes in the sand.

2. I would like to get my camera fixed.

3. I would like to make sense of things.

4. I would like to pick up the phone and dial your number just to hear you talk.. but I don't want to annoy you with my wallowing. Not that I'm wallowing.

Sacrifice.

Today's sermon came from 2 Samuel 24:18-25.


David Builds an Altar

On that day Gad went to David and said to him, "Go up and build an altar to the LORD on the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite." So David went up, as the LORD had commanded through Gad. When Araunah looked and saw the king and his men coming toward him, he went out and bowed down before the king with his face to the ground.

Araunah said, "Why has my lord the king come to his servant?"

"To buy your threshing floor," David answered, "so I can build an altar to the LORD, that the plague on the people may be stopped."

Araunah said to David, "Let my lord the king take whatever pleases him and offer it up. Here are oxen for the burnt offering, and here are threshing sledges and ox yokes for the wood. O king, Araunah gives all this to the king." Araunah also said to him, "May the LORD your God accept you."

But the king replied to Araunah, "No, I insist on paying you for it. I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing."

So David bought the threshing floor and the oxen and paid fifty shekels of silver for them. David built an altar to the LORD there and sacrificed burnt offerings and fellowship offerings. Then the LORD answered prayer in behalf of the land, and the plague on Israel was stopped.

Verse 24: wow. Thank You, Lord, for speaking through the sermon this morning to me.. thank You for reminding me sometimes worship requires sacrifice. What is sacrifice? -- it's giving up something you love and cherish for something you love and cherish more.

How could I ever give You anything less than the best?


God never promised an easy ride.. just a safe landing. So this road I walk, it will be hard, but thank You for reminding me it's about sacrificing and surrendering and drawing close to You.


all to Jesus, i surrender
all to Him i freely give
i will ever love and trust Him
in His presence, daily live

i surrender all
i surrender all
all to thee, my blessed Savior
i surrender all



There is pain in the offering but You are enough for me.

:)

I'm sorry, guys. After re-reading my posts from the beginning of this year until now, I realize I don't sound very happy.

Don't get me wrong -- there are plenty of times when I haven't been happy; my blogs can attest to that.

But I wanted you guys to know.. at the end of the day, I am joyous.

FOR REALS!

I am an optimist at heart. There's always an upside to everything.. even the hardest, most heartbreaking things. You know why?

Because GOD is GOOD. ALL. THE. TIME.


I can put my head down with peace and joy filling my heart.

Because even if we are hard pressed on every side, we are NOT crushed. We might be perplexed, but we are NOT in despair. Persecuted, but NOT abandoned; struck down, but we will NEVER be destroyed.
-2 Corinthians 4:7-9 (emphasis mine)


SO, please know that yes, my road, your road, THE road we are walking while following Jesus IS hard. Will be hard. But you and I can take JOY in knowing we don't walk the road alone and we can do it because we have our MIGHTY Savior, Jesus :)



And with that, I bid you adieu. I am off to shower and get ready for my first day at a university! Granted, I am quite nervous.. I don't know what to expect and I'm not sure how to feel around such a huge crowd.. but the Lord'll take care of me :) I worry over the silliest things :)

The sun is SHININGGG, the temperature is a LOVELY 70 SOMETHING DEGREES, I am forever loved!


Yall have a blessed, blessed day :) :) :)

i said brrrrr! it's cold in here!

2am.

Not gonna lie. I've been really moody ever since coming back from Lua Linh camp. Please just let me be and pray for me.

I've been more impatient than usual, cranky and easily frustrated and angered at the smallest things. What's wrong with me, God?

Tonight, I was trying SO HARD not to get frustrated with my mom. I failed. I have to remember to bring EVERYTHING to the Lord in prayer. To the Lord FIRST and FOREMOST. I got tired of feeling angry, so I took to my knees and placed my frustration at the foot of the cross.

My level of peace didn't get to where I wanted right away.. but the Lord is good. I am sitting in the hallway of my upstairs, basking in His grace. I get this wonderful gift every day, all over again.




SO unworthy, but STILL You love me.


Thank You, Jesus.

glory, glory this i S I N G

What can wash away my sins?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus
What can make me whole again?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus

This is all my hope and peace
Nothing but the blood of Jesus
This is all my rightness
Nothing but the blood of Jesus

Glory, Glory, this I sing
Nothing but the blood of Jesus
All my praise for this I bring
Nothing but the blood of Jesus

Oh precious is that flow
That makes me white as snow
No other fount I know
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

LKJFDSALKJFDSA

Why do I feel like this?!! Why do I feel so unhappy and angry?

i DON'T want to concentrate on how i'm feeling. I feel like I'm fighting off these demons that are trying to get me to be angry with You, to hate You.. to focus on MYSELF. i'm doing my best to fight them off, Lord Jesus..

i'm coming back to the HEART of WORSHIP
and it's all about YOU
it's all about YOU, JESUS.
i'm sorry, Lord for the thing i've made it
when it's all about YOU
it's all about YOU, JESUS..

God, me and You tonight please. more than ever.
whatever this is I'm going through.. my heart will keep crying out to You.
blessed be Your name forever and ever. may it ring true in my life.

--



There's distance in the air and I cannot make it leave
i wave my arms' round about me and blow with all my might
I cannot sense you close, though I
know you're always here
But the comfort of you near is what i long for

When I can't feel you, I have learned
to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you, I know you
still hear every word I pray
And i want you more than i want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful

All the folly of the past, though I know it is undone
i still feel the guilty one, still
trying to make it right
So i whisper soft your name, let
it roll around my tongue,
knowing You're the only one who knows me
You know me

When I can't feel you, I have learned
to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you, I know you
still hear every word I pray
And i want you more than i want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful

Show me how I should live this
Show me where I should walk
I count this world as loss to me
You are all I want
You are all I want

Lord, please

slow me down.

Give me the strength to fight the distractions.
I can't do it without You.

It probably doesn't make sense to you,

but please just give me some time.

I finally found some time

to sit down and write.

There's a lot more on my mind, but I'll just share with ya'll a little bit.


If this weekend at Lua Linh camp showed me anything at all about myself, it is that I still have a long way to go.


"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." -Psalm 139:23-24


I am a sinner. My selfishness has no end.



We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
Romans 7:14-20


This weekend reminded me how MUCH I need JESUS. The passage above shows that no matter how hard I try to do good, to be good.. to be a good Christian, a leader, a role model, daughter, friend, sister.. I will always fail.

I need You, Jesus. Apart from You, I am lost. Thank You for giving Your life in place of mine, Your blood instead of mine. Thank You for making me new and perfect in God's eyes.

Thank You for redeeming me.


If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.

.............

it's not even like that.
do i need to explain myself?