Another blank one

I wish I had been stronger so then I wouldn't have to feel so afraid.

Forgiven

Well the past is playing with my head
And failure knocks me down again
I’m reminded of the wrong
That I have said and done
And that devil just wont let me forget

In this life
I know what I’ve been
But here in your arms
I know what I am

I’m forgiven
I’m forgiven
And I don’t have to carry
The weight of who I’ve been
Cause I’m forgiven

My mistakes are running through my mind
And I’ll relive my days, in the middle of the night
When I wrestle with my pain, struggle with my pride
Sometimes I feel alone, and I cry

When I don't fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere
When I don’t measure up to much in this life
Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ ‘cause

I’m forgiven
I’m forgiven
And I don’t have to carry
The weight of who I’ve been
Cause I’m forgiven

It's not about loving the people who are easy to love.

It's gotta be about those that are hard to love. You know?


Those people that push you away, shut you out.
The angry people.
The bitter ones.
The selfish people.
The lost ones.
The lonely people.
The ones that seem to have drifted away.
The gossips.
The fakes.
The liars.
The cheaters and backstabbers.
The ones that break their promises.
The ones that just can't let go and move on.
The ones that are immature and need to grow up.
The ones that don't care about you.
The ones that don't have HOPE.



It's about being persistent in reaching out to these people in your life, day in and day out - as tiring as it may be. As discouraging as it may be.

Do it anyway.

ready to be used

find me here
speak to me
i want to feel You
i need to hear You
You are the light
that's leading me
to the place where i find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...You're everything.

how can i stand here with You and not be moved by You?
would You tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and You give me rest.
You hold me in Your hands; You won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and You take my breath away.
would You take me in? take me deeper now?

how can i stand here with You and not be moved by You?
would You tell me how could it be any better than this?
and how can i stand here with You and not be moved by You?
would You tell me how could it be any better than this?

cause You're all i want, You're all i need
You're everything, everything
You're all i want, You're all i need
You're everything, everything.
You're all i want, You're all i need.
You're everything, everything
You're all i want, You're all i need
You're everything, everything.

and how can i stand here with You and not be moved by You?
would You tell me how could it be any better than this?
how can i stand here with You and not be moved by You?
would You tell me how could it be any better than this?

how can i stand here with You and not be moved by You?
would You tell me how could it be any better than this?

would You tell me how could it be any better than this?

Walking, walking

Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me


lead me to the cross

Time management

is key!
is KEY!!
is. key.


Okay so, to be honest, I don't even really remember my New Year's Resolution(s). I wrote it down somewhere.. but now I don't even remember where I wrote it. -_-

SO.

I'm going to make some new resolution(s). Not even a NYR because I tend to fail at those. I will just make it a "resolution-just-to-resolute." If that makes any sense. I don't even really know what "resolution" means. It looks like "re-solution." Now the word "solution" looks like it's spelled wrong.

.....Okay. I was going to go somewhere with the whole "re-solution" thing.. but now I have gone and forgotten where I was going to go with it.

Back to my resolution(s)!


1. I would like to be on time. NO. Not even ON TIME. I'd like to be EARLY.
I realize I'm running late a lot.. to worship practice Sunday mornings, picking up my sister, meeting up friends. Sometimes I arrive to class RIGHT when class starts or a few minutes after.. I'd like to be done with all that. From now on, I would like to arrive 5-10 minutes early.

2. I would like to set a time limit on the amount of Facebooking I do each day.
This sounds silly.. setting a time limit. But after observing myself these last few weeks, I noticed I am getting slightly bored of looking at other people's lives.. and I've also noticed I've been wasting precious, precious time. My dad recently asked me to read this article he found about social networking. I'd like to write more about the article.. but frankly, I'm too lazy. Hahaha. Sorry. Maybe another time. ANYWAY. I'll have to think about how much time I want to allow myself to Facebook.

So yes. I will keep you guys updated!.. my faithful 6(?) readers. :) I'm sure there are a few more resolutions I would like to add the list. But for now, I'll work on these two. One step at a time and all that. Chip, chip, cheerio.

Anyway, I'm going to go be productive (hopefully) and try to finish up my homework for the weekend. Ta ta!

Frustrated.

Breathe in, breathe out.



Doing my best not to view it
as chains that tie me down
or ropes that hold me back.


Breathe in, breathe out.

Travelling mercies

Lord, please bring my papa home safely!!




heart heart <3

Updates

So I figured I'd give whoever reads this blog an update because I realized my last couple of entries haven't done much justice to my ability to write sentences.

If that made any sense.. it makes sense in my head. :)

School
It's my first semester at UNT and since I'm pretty much done with my basics, I'm taking classes that are for my major. It's slightly overwhelming.. I feel completely out of the loop and I have no clue what the heck my teacher's talking about! In my EDEC 1033 (Intro to Early Childhood Education) class, we have to post responses to these discussion topics each week. Reading other people's responses makes me feel super dumb because a lot of the things they write about.. I have no earthly idea what it is! My DFST 2033 (Parenting in Diverse Families) is sooo long I have a lot of trouble paying attention in it. I also don't really understand the point of the class.. My physics class is pretty fast-paced as well. And my linguistics class is really hard. I'm scared I'm gonna flunk out of my first semester at a university. NOT SAYING I'm failing my classes or anything; I'm doing just fine grade-wise.. but actually truly learning and grasping the material, I feel light years behind. Then again, I do need to step it up a notch - time management is key!

Friends
I always complained about how much I dislike the school year because everyone gets really caught up in their own lives and schoolwork that no one ever bothers to keep in touch and stay updated on how their friends are doing. Now here I am.. doing the exact thing I used to complain about! I've also been thinking a lot about where my friendships with people stand.. it's been a little disheartening to see what I've come up with.. but God is good and I am thankful I have Him to see me through. Yeah yeah, I sound cheesy but I speak truth. Been feeling kinda out of the loop with my friends lately.. of course, I have to take some of the blame for this but I also need to remember friendship is a two-way street. NOT TRYING to dog on any of my friends! Just a reminder for myself. I'll leave that at that.

Family
Currently my dad is out of town. He's in Connecticut until Wednesday, but earlier today he sent an email saying there's supposed to be a huge winter storm Wednesday so he might be stuck up there until Thursday. It's always a little nerve wrecking (nerve wracking?) for me whenever he goes out of town. I'm a natural worrier so I always have these morbid thoughts that he might not make it home safely. Horrible, I know. It's just another reminder that I can't control people's lives anymore than my own.. everything is in God's hands and I need to learn to be thankful of the time I DO have with my family. So, if ya'll could please pray for my dad to have a safe flight home, that'd be great :) My mom and Angela are doing okay.. I know my mom's job stresses her out a lot but she does it for the family.. I'm really thankful for her. She's kinda crazy sometimes but she has a good heart and works hard for us. Angela's growing up really fast.. it's kinda scary how quick time goes by. Her attitude is also growing at an exponential rate -_- .. gotta remember to pray for her as she grows up and come into contact with a thousand different influences throughout her day.

Church
Church has been time-consuming and stress-inducing these last few weeks. Our Vietnamese New Year's program is this Saturday and the college-age kids had been asked to do a dance and a fashion show. At first, I was really looking forward to working with everyone again because it's been awhile since we've all REALLY worked together at something/been together for long amounts of time.. but as the weeks passed, everything started becoming more like WORK instead of SERVING. Believe me when I say I will be incredibly thankful for the program to be done and over with but I can't help but feel God tugging at my heart when I start feeling the need to complain about how aggravating putting all this stuff together was. I feel like we forgot to really pray about our time together and the program.. and because of it, everyone's tempers were shortened, nerves were rattled, and problems ensued. SO - we have only three more days until the program. We still have some relatively large loose ends that we need to tie up and YES, it is frustrating that that's the case (even though I played a role in the loose ends-causing).. but I will give all of it to the Lord and approach the situation with patience and joy. This Tet program will be a wonderful opportunity for believers and non-believers alike to come and celebrate the new year, so I gotta put my best foot forward and represent the Lord best I can!

Miscellaneous
-My mom broke my camera right before 2010 started and I've been meaning to mail it out to get it fixed. I hate not having a camera! I like to refer to this time as "The Dark Ages" because I can't physically document anything that's been happening in my life! I miss taking pictures. Hopefully I have time to go to the post office this week.
-I haven't done laundry in about a month. I need to get on that. I'm afraid of my closet right now. There are clothes and hangers strewn EVERYWHERE!
-My mom always complains about how I sit on my floor to do my homework.. to be honest, I do this because I don't like my desk. I really want to buy a new one!! Mine's is ugly and doesn't match my room.. I sound spoiled.. I should be thankful to have a desk huh... :( ... I'm still not gonna sit at it though.
-I am in dire need of a car wash and new windshield wipers. I gotta stop parking in the garage while my mama's cooking.. the oil..
-I have a strong urge to watch The Notebook. AGAIN. Last year, I had a craving for it, so I borrowed it from someone (I forgot who) and watched it 7 times within a span of a few days. It was AWESOME. If YOU'RE A BIRD, I'M A BIRD <3
-The weather is horrible! I'm sad the groundhog saw his shadow and now we have 2394832 more weeks of this crap cold. People that like the cold.. I view them as a little loopy hahah. The only good thing about winter time is CHRISTMAS! Give me shorts and a t-shirt any day. ....I almost wrote shirts and a t-short but then I realized it looked wrong -_-


Anyway, I think all of that can pretty much sum up how I've been doing and what I've been dealing with for the last few weeks. If you want to know more or have questions, I'd love to talk! I'm off to start writing a paper now. Ya'll have a blessed, blessed Wednesday :)

b-l-a-n-k

Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while

And didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down

And this is all that I can say right now
i know it's not much
And this is all that I can give
yeah that's my everything

I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet

Just around the riverbend

I feel like I've lost the fight in me. Are any of us striving for the same things anymore? Is it okay if I just walk away and let the pieces fall where they may? Lord, I don't know anymore...



I feel it might be time to open up new doors.



Restore my hope; strengthen my faith.
I just gotta cling to You.
Jesus, take the wheel.

!!!

I am severely missing some good quality time with these people:

Slow and quiet

I can't remember the last time I had a real conversation with any girl friends of mine.